Oh, what to write?

So, my husband says to me yesterday, "You know what you should do? I think you should write a blog about people in your sitution." And the conversation ensues:

Me: I have a blog.
Husband: You do? Where?
Me: On Blogger, the Google blog thing. But nobody reads it. I haven't written anything on it in a while.
Husband: Why not?
Me: It was all depressing. What do you mean, "People in your situation?"
Husband: You know, young, stay at home mom...
Me: No one would read it.
Husband: I think it would be good.

The thing is, I hate my label. The "stay at home mom" label. Truth be told, I got pregnant at 18, gave birth to my daughter at 19, and then madly began the life cycle at superspeed: baby-school-baby-husband-school-graduation-baby... Three babies, one lovely husband, and an English degree later, I am asking myself," What the hell is going on here?!" I managed to successfully complete three-quarters of the life cycle in the span of 6 years. Yay!...I think. Don't be mistaken, I LOVE my husband and my kids and I even love waking up to a bed of with five sets of fingers and toes and sleep-deprived eyes, but I find myself kind of floating in a void where I am not quite sure what my purpose is anymore.

Which brings me back to the mom label. I really became a stay-at-home mom by default. I was in school full-time with first two dumplings, and by the nine-month warning of the third, I was going part-time and caring for the kids while my hubby worked full time. (Hubby, what a ridiculous word). So, I graduate, the baby is old enough to put in childcare, but the cost of putting three kids in childcare is insane, right? Insane!! It should be illegal. I mean, the government should pay for it something. Or at least put up a stipend. And you don't want to send your kids to a cheap daycare...It's like going to a dentist that practices in his basement or something. You just don't do that to your kids. You want the best for them.

And so I am here, in this privileged position, not feeling so privileged. I want to be out in the world, asserting some sort of individual identity, but most people see me as a mom first or a wife. That sounds just horrible, doesn't it? I mean, really now. But I am determined to do both: be with my kids and work, or something to that effect.

I am playing the waiting game now. I have about 2 weeks until I hear from graduate schools I applied to (my reentry into the "real" world), and then if I don't get in, I am going to have to get a job. Even just a few days per week. Because my kids need a sane mother. And I need happy kids.