POV

Do you need a change of perspective? Think about it. How many days do you spend "on edge," crossing the line into frustration more often that you might want to admit? Or, do you typically see things negatively? You are late for work, so you know it will be a horrible day. You can't catch up on dishes, laundry, or sleep, and so you are always feeling like everything you do is unfinished?

This morning, before 10 AM, I practically catapulted my voice box out of my mouth yelling at the top of my lungs. My kids were running the halls, laughing and yelling, while I was frantically trying to get dressed. I have been trying to catch up on laundry for weeks, and I finally got some done this morning, really only because my two-year-old was out of Thomas the Train underwear. So I am scrambling around, my husband saying sweet things to me and trying to help, while my pressure meter just keeps rising. Right after he offers to grab the laundry, I finally just pop the top, and out comes this ferocious scream. I mean, really, really ugly, scratchy, make your throat hurt scream. At my kids. Immediately after the noise stopped and the kids went to their room, I thought, "Now that was totally unnecessary. Why did I do that?" I look at my husband, surely with a guilty look on my face, knowing I had really crossed the line, and hurled some major tension at my children. He just looked at me and shook his head, in disbelief, or more like disappointment. He knows me, knows how I give up way before my limit, knows that I am explosive (to his calm) in a pressured situation.

I really, really needed an attitude adjustment. Not like a momentary one. Because I can't say that these mini explosions don't happen frequently. True, now they are not followed by a total breakdown complete with tears and self-pity. They are however, not helping anyone, especially my husband and kids. After my mid-morning blast, my husband was really just done with me for the day. I mean, how much can a loving, supportive and helpful husband take, right? And what the hell is my problem anyway?

So, let's call it an overhaul, an attitude overhaul. The real truth, like the nitty-gritty of it all, is that I really think this is about me. That IT is about me. Let me explain. I get frustrated by the laundry mountains, the toys in every possible nook and cranny, the endless mounds of mail and paperwork, unwashed dishes, etc. And when the kids get going with the noise, and the baby is crying and my husband just wants to have a conversation, it's like, ENOUGH ALREADY! I think yesterday I practically threw my hands up, looked skyward, and said, "What do you want from me?!" Unfortunately it is not the laundry, the dishes, the children or my beloved husband that are driving me crazy. It is my inability to handle it all. To juggle it. Life, I mean. And that's a valid sentiment. I think it is. But, in all fairness, I need to get over myself. So what I didn't shower this morning, the living room is a mess, and the last kid wasn't asleep until 9:54 PM? Because the kids ARE asleep, my husband still thinks I look amazing, and if I put my mind to it, I can clean up all of the mess in my house in about 20 minutes. And if I don't get to it, whatever, right? Because it can always be done tomorrow. Especially if it means twenty uninterrupted minutes with my husband on the couch. Amen to that.